Artificial Conception

A RESPONSE TO THE QUESTION:

"Do you think that children conceived from donor sperm
have a harder time in general as they grow up?"

As a biological father, a parent and a potential sperm donor I have thought about this a fair bit over the last 12 - 15 months. I can only conclude that there needs to be firm decision between the relevant parties, ideally in the form of a legally binding contract so that each party understands the level of responsibility they may or may not have.

What should always be at the foremost in our minds is the best interests of the child.

It is impossible to predict the future or try to envisage how the child might feel about being the product of what might be seen to be a medical manufacturing process rather than an act of natural procreation between a loving heterosexual couple.

But this is where the argument against queer couples using artificial conception or adoption begins to fall apart.

I think we all agree that loving parents (regardless of biological or marital status) are more important to a child's happiness and welfare than any other single factor (including wealth, education, health etc). I cringe every time I hear a parent jokingly comment that their child was "a little mistake" because they forgot to use contraception or the pill didn't work. No child should ever be considered a mistake, even in jest.

So with that in mind, I would say it is irrelevant whether one chooses to use a known or unknown donor or what type of relationship is negotiated between the parties. What is important is that all parties are happy with the decision and abide by it. That decision is going to be different for each individual.

I would also recommend being honest with the child from an early age. Reinforce the fact that they are loved and how special it was that they were conceived in such a way. Remember that it takes a lot more thought, effort and money to use artificial conception than it is to get knocked up in the back of the Holden at the drive-ins ;-)

Be proud that your child is special and they will be proud to have such special mothers. They might also have a special male in their life that they may or may not call Dad that helped give them life, but always remember that to a child it is the parents that matter, not who supplied the genes.

Having the option to identify with the donor at some stage in their life is worthwhile, but they may never take up that opportunity if they are content with what they have in their real family. Even anonymous donors can be identified at a later stage if it is the wish of both parties.

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