Theocracy Alert

In deference to the almighty power and intelligence of the Whitehouse, I am plagiarising their Homeland Security Alert system in order to remain vigilant against threats to secular democracy and liberal values.

Introducing the Theocracy Alert - Early Warning System
protecting Australian politics from religion

As with the USA system, Theocracy Alert offers five colour-coded levels of alertness and is improved by the addition of photographs of iconic religious right leaders. You'll find the current status at the top of this page and a brief explanation of the alert levels here:

Level 1 - Armageddon outa here
This is the highest level of alertness and requires all non-believers to bunker down for the apocalypse. There may be no escape from the tirade of preaching we are about to receive. This is wacko time, and it is represented by the wackiest zealot of them all, Fred Phelps.

Level 2 - Anile Alert
Prepare for an onslaught of right-wing conservative claptrap. Human rights are clearly under threat and the libertarian army is requested to be on 24 hour alert. Australia's Fred Nile is a fitting icon for this level along with a bright shade of orange.

Level 3 - Holy Shit
At this level there will be ocassional attacks, which are usually dispelled quickly and with low casualties. Citizens should remain aware at all times and report suspicious activities. Status is represented by the colour yellow and Pope John Paul II.

Level 4 - Falwell-out
Theocratic risk is low, but there may be some isolated incidents that can cause pain. Mostly harmless rantings from the usual crowd. This level is represented by Jerry Falwell and the colour green. Citizens are urged to remain vigilant and assist their communities to develop combative strategies.

Level 5 - meh!
Have a snooze. The enemy are cowering in their churhces. This is a great time to catch up on a book or just enjoy the peaceful life. Indicator is blue and the icon is Mother Theresa.

The current status will be set to 3-Yellow-HolyShit as we recognise the precarious position Australia may experience with Coalition control of both houses of parliament.